Changes

After completing my third marathon in less than a month on November 6th, 2010 I told myself I was going to try and maintain at least a moderate running schedule through the Winter. The previous two years I had been in marathon shape in the Fall and stopped running during the Winter. I gained a bunch of weight and struggled getting back into shape in the Spring. I ran once the during the week following my third marathon. I had planned to run three to four times a week starting the next week and continuing through the Winter. Little did I know I was about to receive some life altering news.

After I left the Marine Corps in August of 2006 I started attending college at the University of Toledo in Toledo, OH. One of my best friends, Austin, had joined the Marines in the Fall of our senior year of high school and kind of talked me into joining as well. Austin also ended up at the University of Toledo when our four years in the Marines was up. Austin joined the veterans group on campus and got me to eventually join as well. I ended up becoming President of the group in the Fall of 2010. Every year we would get together on Veteran's Day and take part in community activities as well as go out to eat. Fall of 2010 was no different and we attended the Toledo area veteran's breakfast on the morning of November 11. During the breakfast my cell phone started vibrating. It was a call from my Mom's cell phone. I don't know what it was, but I immediately had a weird feeling something was wrong.

My father had been battling cancer for four years leading up to that call. First he fought testicular cancer, which he beat, and then he started a long battle with prostate cancer. The battle was rough for my father. He was always in phenomenal physical condition and took pride in his health. He fought the cancer for a long time until he was worn out. I could tell he was sick of all of the doctor appointments, the treatments, and of not being able to work steadily. I tried to call him everyday and talk to him as I knew he was at home waiting for my mom to return from work. Some days we had great conversations, other days I could tell my dad was weak and the conversations were brief. The morning of the veterans breakfast my parents were at the hospital to get the results of recent scans my father had just received to check the progress of the cancer treatments. The results were bad.

I knew that my father could only survive for so long with Stage 4 prostate cancer, but I always thought we would have longer with him than we did. The day of the test results was a Thursday and one of the doctors at the hospital thought my dad would not make it through the weekend. The cancer had spread rampantly throughout his body and into his vital organs. It had consumed his liver and it was only a matter of time before his body would begin to shutdown. I had ignored the call from my mother as I did not want to interrupt the key note speaker. A few minutes later I got a text from my brother Tom that said something along the lines of "Dude we gotta go home, Dad might not make it through the weekend".

I felt sick when I read the message. I quietly left the breakfast and went outside to call my mom. She answered and told me the horrible news. I informed the rest of the veterans group that I had to leave and went to my apartment and packed some things. I then headed back home to my parents house. The drive from Toledo to the west suburbs of Cleveland is fairly short. It was only about 100 miles from my apartment to my parents house. The whole drive took about an hour and 45 minutes.

On the way home all I could think about was my father and mother. They both had such an impact on my life as most parents do on their children. My father had a major influence on a lot of the things I have done in my life. He was a wrestler, I was a wrestler. He was a Marine, I was a Marine. He was a runner, I am a runner. He was a Christian, I am a Christian. My father was a very humble man that accomplished a lot in his life. He led by example. I had a hard time arguing with him about things growing up because he was not a hypocrite. He practiced what he preached.

As an adult I asked for his advice on everything. I talked to him 5 or more times a week in college. It was hard to imagine my life without him. It also killed me that my mother would be alone. Despite my sadness I never questioned any of it. I believe that God is in control of everything an what is meant to be is what is. I knew my father felt that way as well. He was the most content person on their deathbed one could ever imagine.

I eventually arrived at my parents house. My mom was upset and my dad was a little drugged up. It was hard to know how to react to everything. I was glad to be home, but was not sure exactly how much time I had left with my dad. One doctor doubted he would make it through the weekend and a nurse thought it could be up to four weeks. All I knew is I was home to help make my mother and him as comfortable as possible.

My father was put on Hospice care, but kept at home. That is where we wanted him, in his own comfortable bed with his family. The Hospice nurse would come a few times a week to check his vitals and monitor medications. We learned very quickly when and how to give my dad pain medicine to ensure he was pain free. My college schedule also worked in my favor during that time. I had almost all Tuesday and Thursday classes and one Monday and Friday class. I would skip my Monday class and leave from home Tuesday morning and go back to Toledo. Then I would comeback home Thursday night. That left only two nights where I wasn't at home to help my dad.

My brother also got some time off of work and came in from Toledo to help. On the nights when my younger brother and I could not be there my older brother would stay the night. One of my dad's best friends, Jim Kudrin was also at my parents' house everyday. This routine last nearly five weeks. It was tiring, but it was also a good time for the whole family. A lot of people lose family members suddenly and never have a real chance to say goodbye. We were lucky enough to have that time to spend with my father and the rest of my family.

During the five weeks of caring for my father I would try and get out for a three mile run here and there around my parents' neighborhood. That didn't last very long. I don't know why I didn't keep up the running, it was a great way to clear my mind, and a stress reliever. I think caring for my father and the trips back and forth to Toledo and everything that was happening took over and I just couldn't get myself out to run.

On December 14, 2010 my father, Patrick Glenn Carver, took his last breath. I had my hand on his head. Right before he died his eyes opened wide probably seeing the Angels coming to carry him away. I knew everything would be different going forward. It was different and still is different today without him.

I took off the next few months from running. I was in a slump and it was hard to get out of it. I knew my father would want me to be healthy and I knew I would be back out running again soon enough. When March of 2011 rolled around I started running again. It was kind of fitting considering my dad's birthday was March 7 and the Ohio State Wrestling tournament (one of his favorite sporting events) is held every year in March. I picked out my next marathons and signed up for them. I was going to run the Towpath Marathon in October of that year and the Columbus marathon the week after. I was going to run the Indianapolis marathon again, but my brother decided to get married that day. I still can't believe they wouldn't move the wedding so I could run that marathon.The nerve.

I was ready to get back into shape and run some more races. It seemed different now that my dad was gone. On training runs I always think about my dad. I always think how much I want to call him afterward and tell him how my run went or where I ran. I knew he would be happy I was out there running. He was at my very first marathon to cheer me on. My mom told me in an encouraging card she gave me before the race that my dad wished he was running the marathon with me. I guarantee he would have been running the race with me if it weren't for a pesky hip replacement. Regardless it was great to have him and my family there. I knew God and and my dad would be with me on the rest of my runs from that point forward. I couldn't wait for the two races coming up that Fall.